Young men and boys need to be taught that being rejected by women and girls is part of life.
As we once again wage a war against the threat of extinction as women in South Africa, it has become evident that we must fight differently.
We have cried and silently protested. We have taken to social media to voice our hurts and formed movements to speak for us.
We want to enjoy the freedoms afforded to our male counterparts. We want to walk the great plains of the nation without being targeted.
But we cannot continue to plead for our lives because this no longer works, as we need to wage the war for our lives differently. The first way is for young men and boys to be taught that rejection is part of life.
They must accept that there are things their hearts may desire but they may not be granted to them – this includes relationships.
It’s ridiculous women are scared to end relationships because we are too afraid to accept the finality of the end. When love is no longer served at a table, we all reserve the right to walk away.
When infidelity finds itself in a relationship, walking away is a better alternative. To resort to murder or violence to heal the ego shows a flaw in accepting rejection.
But more importantly, we need to start normalising that women have the right to leave their marital homes, or even relationships.
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That at weddings we are told women must persevere, is ultimately telling them to go toe-to-toe with death to retain the title of Mrs.
We must, however, give credit to those families that go against the tide and boldly tell their children: “Whenever life gets too hard, treat your home as your reset button, there is no pressure, your home remains your home.”
Those words remain in my mind. My father preferred a divorced daughter than a deceased one – that is the kind of comfort that gives women peace, knowing that they don’t have to stay when love and safety are no longer served.
There are alternatives for them. Recently, an employee in a top firm lost his job due to his obsession with a receptionist who ended their relationship.
She had sought help from their superiors, through the domestic violence courts and gone as far as changing her work shifts to avoid the man – but this did not help.
It went so out of control that the man had to be fired. But one would not be mistaken to conclude that with nothing to lose, the now axed man can amplify his obsession.
Men and women ought to be given the right to tap out where they no longer want to be.
The grown up thing to do is, as hard as it may be, to accept and respect other people’s choices.
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