In what could be described as a perpetuation of the stereotype that men don’t cry, former Black Motion member Mörda was ostracised for shedding tears during his DJ set while playing a Black Motion track.
The artist, whose real name is Bongani Mohosana, played Black Motion’s Rainbow during his DJ set and people have made an issue of him crying, with many assuming that his were tears of regret for leaving Black Motion.
Mohosana rebranded his moniker from Murdah Bongz to Mörda as a way of launching his solo career. Black Motion is a duo founded by Mörda and Thabo “Smol” Mabogwane, which had a run of successful hits for about a decade until an abrupt split last year.
Kabelo “Problem Child Ten83″ Koma has replaced Mörda as the new member.
Among the slew of assumptions thrown at Mörda, was that he was crying for being replaced in the band. But DJ Zinhle’s bae was quick to quell these unfounded guesses by sharing on his stories that the tears were of joy and freedom.
NOW READ: Steal their style: Fashion couple DJ Zinhle and Mörda
Challenging masculinity
The saying that ‘boys don’t cry’ is one which leaves a lot of men suppressing their feelings only for them to explode at a later time, in an ugly manner on people who don’t deserve it.
In Great Expectations, author Charles Dickens says: “Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after I had cried, than before-more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle”.
Only Mörda knows the true reason behind his tears, but whatever it is, the artist was being gentle with himself.
I’m not saying crying is for everyone, some people just aren’t tear-droppers as others. It’s about creating an environment where people can express themselves in the way in which they see fit.
It’s hard for most men to be gentle with themselves, when society isn’t gentle with them. It’s one of the reasons why most men will prefer to self-medicate instead of consulting a doctor when ill while in some instances men get shunned upon by staff for seeking medical help at clinics.
At the end of Tamborine, Chris Rock’s 2018 comedy special, the comedian shares some “man lessons” he learnt through his divorce.
One is that, “There’s a coldness you have to accept when you’re a man, especially a black man. The world is cold as a motherf****er and one thing I learnt is that only women, children and dogs are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved under the condition that he provides something”.
With Men’s Health Month coming in June, it is imperative that society speaks more on these issues-which will help a number of fathers, brothers and sons come out of their shell.
South Africa’s problem with gender based violence (GBV) is well-documented and rehabilitating men will help in the fight against GBV because it’s the same men who murder women and children that need healing.
ALSO READ: KAYA FM wishes Dineo Ranaka healing after radio jock admits to being suicidal
Mental health is something that all genders struggle with. Radio DJ Dineo Ranaka went on social media yesterday to confess that she’s feeling suicidal.
The pressures that come with being in the public eye and having to maintain a certain image or persona, can take its toll on a person. It’s worse when everyone around you gives you the time or space for you to heal.
Where to get help
Public mental health treatment options:
https://www.groundup.org.za/article/how-access-public-mental-health-services
Mental health counselling free of charge:
https://www.globalcitizen.org/en/content/ways-south-africans-take-care-of-mental-health/
Sadag suicide help line and other helplines:
https://www.sadag.org/
Start or join a support group / support group directory:
https://www.sadag.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=3118&Itemid=193_
