How to deal with a partner who does not listen

The two most important things, acting as the pillars of a relationship are effective communication and active listening.

A good partner knows how to maintain a proper balance between these two valuable aspects.

Imagine a partner who is a great listener, but doesn’t know how to communicate well….sounds frustrating, right?

This relationship would be a complete disaster as your partner won’t be able to let you know what they are feeling, and vice versa, a partner who is a great communicator, capable of expressing all their feelings and emotions, but doesn’t make you feel heard.

Well, that sounds like a significant issue as well!

While you must have found many articles across the web guiding you through the first situation, you might not have found wise solutions on how to deal with a partner who does not listen.

So, keeping this in mind, we are here to help you! Today, we’ll discuss some practical and effective ways to handle a situation where you feel overlooked and neglected in a relationship.

1. Model active listening

The best way to achieve the behaviour you want is to act in the same way. Foster the active listening behaviour you want to get, and not just for the show, you should give your 100% into it. When your partner communicates with you, offer them all your attention, engage in little gestures like solid eye contact and nodding your head, to show that they have caught your interest, and eliminate all the nearby distractions, be it your mobile phone, television, or anything else. Try reflecting to demonstrate your understanding by using statements like “I understand how you are feeling, and I am here to help and support you in any way I can”. This will not only set a notable standard for your conversations but will also manifest a positive communication loop.

2. Set clear communication goals

Let them know how you want the communication to be, between both of you. Establish what effective and ideal communication looks like for each one of you, understand each other’s preferred way, and then come to a common ground to create the perfect balance of what you need during the interactions with what they need. For instance, establish a rule that both partners should summarize what the other has said before responding, or both partners should keep their mobile phones aside while talking to each other and should maintain steady eye contact.

3. Choose the right place and time

Timing and the situation you are in can significantly impact how your partner perceives you. It is immensely important to remember not to bring up sensitive and detailed discussions during already stressful situations or when your partner is occupied or distracted with something. A calm, optimistic, and untroubled environment can be beneficial for having an important conversation. Look for a quiet and peaceful time when both of you are in a good mood and try starting the conversation with something like “Can we find a good time tonight to talk about something important?” or “I would like to talk to you about something important right now if it is a good time.”. This highlights that you respect and value their space, while also putting a step forward in making sure you let them know what you need.

4. Consider professional support

Sometimes, seeking support from a specialist is not only required but can prove to be immensely beneficial, doing wonders for your relationship. When, after consistent efforts and communication, the situation of the relationship isn’t improving, a third-party point of view might help improve it by understanding both sides of the story and providing tailed strategies and methods to foster discussions and help both parties understand each other’s perspectives in the required environment.

In a nutshell, dealing with a partner who makes you feel overheard and undervalued can be incredibly frustrating and challenging, but with just the right strategies, empathy, and understanding, you can significantly improve your situation, while also fostering a deep connection and a stronger foundation for your relationship.

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